This morning I woke up with a feeling of depression. This is not unusual for me. Perhaps you can relate. I have struggled with depression for my entire life, since I was a small child. I really don’t know why and I sort of don’t really care why anymore. Nonetheless, I have had to find a way to work with it because it has bordered on being debilitating at many different points in my life.
The feeling I woke up with this morning was very familiar. A kind of heaviness in my body and a sense of being weighted down. A kind of mental activity I know quite well—that no matter where I looked in my life: my work, my relationship, my bank account, my home, my body, my future—it all looked bleak. Very bleak. Whenever this happens I dive into stories about how it got to be this way. True stories, I might add. I missed this opportunity. I made that wrong choice. My abilities are limited. Yes, true—on one hand. And utterly meaningless on the other.
Fortunately, I am old enough and practiced enough to recognize (at some point…) that my mind is playing a very unpleasant trick on me. I catch myself. At this point, a number of options are possible.
There are schools of thought that suggest that the negative stories we tell ourselves are basically made up in the first place and we should make up positive ones to replace them.
I’ve tried this. It doesn’t work.
What seems to work much better is to let go of stories of all kinds and take a fresh start, moment to moment.
There are two ways of liberating ourselves from negative thought patterns. The first is to find whatever therapy or therapies work for you and attempt to figure it out that way. This is very wonderful. The second way is to liberate each negative thought on the spot and with this second choice, meditation is very, very helpful. It trains you to observe your thoughts as they arise and make a choice about where to place your attention.
For me, one of the most deceptively simple pieces of advice for working with strong emotion was given by Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, the Tibetan meditation master who transmitted the Shambhala teachings. It was this: “You could always just cheer up.”
When I first heard that, I was kind of offended. What do you mean, “cheer up?” It sounded like what people used to tell me when I was little, some variation of “why are you always so serious?” or “You’re too sensitive. Get over yourself.” Stuff that used to make me really mad. But CTR did not mean this. He meant you could always simply let go of what is plaguing you—no matter how heavy and sorrowful—and take a breath of fresh air.
You could try it. I’ve tried it countless times. When I catch myself falling into a pit of despair over loved ones who are suffering from illness, for example, or my finances, also suffering from illness I might add, or my ability to make my dreams manifest—I say to myself as I plummet, “you could always just cheer up” and, amazingly, even if it’s only for a moment, I do. It has nothing to do with talking myself out of what is bothering me by convincing myself that it will all be ok for this reason or that. It has nothing to do with fake-deleting negative thoughts and fake-inserting wishful thinking, aka positive thoughts. It has to do with letting it all, all, all go and reconnecting with—well, what would you call it? The present moment. Nowness. Space.
You could do it too. It’s really, really simple to get the sense of how. Have you ever been in a fitness class, for example, where they tell you to tense up your shoulders…hold…hold…hold…and then release? When you do this, there is a sudden rush of clean energy. You can also do this with your mind. When you feel really drepressed—or grief-stricken or angry or disappointed or what have you—you could tune into it. Intensify it. Locate it in your physical or emotional body, or in the environment—and then intensify, intensify, intensify—LET GO. Try it. See what happens. What happens for me is there is a sudden rush, even a tiny one, of life force and renewed energy.
The therapy path for working with depression meets depressive patterns as wave forms. Which is awesome. In this way, we can work with the ongoing and pervasive presence of negativity. The cheer-up path for working with depression meets such patterns as particles. We can work with each one in the moment it appears. Together, these two approaches, wave and particle, can create quantum change in our relationship to depression. Check it out.
And know this: it all begins with catching yourself, with the ability, no matter how momentary, to know what is happening in your own mind–as if a lightning strike suddenly lit up a dark valley and you see exactly what is going on. Then you can step outside of your heavy, believable, painful, oppressive thought patterns. With this step away, you introduce a moment of possibility…of change…of a fresh start…you cheer up. And everything is possible.
This ability, of course, is the fruit of meditation practice. Your practice teaches you how to do this. Please sign up for The Open Heart Project to receive meditation instruction videos 2x weekly via email.
PS After making this video, I saw that my reason for depression was my hairdo. Dude, I need a haircut. 
I love you.
So deeply grateful that there is a wise, kind teacher in the world who has also grown up being told she is too serious or sensitive, who needed a bit of space before she could hear the wisdom of ‘Cheer up’ and who wakes up depressed and can still make jokes about her hair.
I feel like you are a wiser, slightly more grown-up version of me. And that makes me feel SO much better about myself.
Girl, the love goes both ways. We are truly sisters on the path–and if I can be a companion to such a wondrous one as you, I’m thrilled. Love, love, love, Susan
Meditation has certainly helped me cope with depression. I’ve learned to sit with the feelings and just experience them rather than trying to avoid them or complaining or feeling sorry for myself.
I’ve been meditating for a couple of months now (The Open Heart Project came along at the perfect time). I look forward to practicing daily….some days are great, some so so, but I’ve committed to 20 minutes a day and have benefitted already. Thank you!
Sue, this is fantastic! I am so glad to hear that your practice is taking root and that you are bringing the mind of meditation to your depressions. V happy for you. xxoo S
Thank you! I have, in the past, been offended when people suggest I just ‘choose to be happy’ when everything in my mind says no, and yet … that is often what works. Meditation as well. And sometimes being with the stories until they quiet down. But, also cheering up. When it’s my idea, and not someone else’s suggestion
I hear that…
Ha, I love this one! Especially since I felt the same way this morning and for no good reason. Everything is going stunningly well, yet I felt heavy and a bit like a failure. My hubby asked how the failing was going mid-morning and luckily I was able to say I was failing at failing because so many great things kept happening with clients
I like your clarity on this too! Thanks.
Thanks for connecting, Lisa and here’s to failing at failing!
Very wise words. My mindfulness practice is the best thing I ever learned and its the best thing I teach my clients!
Lucky you, and lucky clients.
Susan, you are my guru
as someone who has suffered with depression all her life, i drank your words in today. thank you xxx
SC, you put your feelings (dark and light) to such good use on behalf of all beings. Thank you.
Thank you for this piece, Susan. I have been “struggled” with depression for a long time; it feels as though I’m battling myself. Very painful at times, and yes, debilitating. The bleakness can feel especially cruel on an otherwise gorgeous October day. I appreciate the “I don’t know why and I sorta don’t really why care anymore.”…trying to explain one’s mind, feeling bad for the way it works. Your sharing your story is very powerful. I’m so grateful. Thank you.
You are so welcome. You (and I) are not alone.
Thank you, Susan. I had the pleasure of listening to you in Newton, MA on October 18th…love and heart-ache stuff. As for depression, I would not even allow myself to say the word for so many years….I REFUSED to be depressed, and did many unhealthy things to keep me from feeling it…feeling anything at all. Anyways, thank you for sharing your wisdom….and your humor! So funny about the hair comment. I used to obsess about my hair, and then realized when I do that, there is something else that is really bugging me! LOVE
Hi Barbara. When my hair is bugging me, you’re right, usually something else is too. But it definitely includes my hair!
Loved the Newton group. Thanks for being there! Susan
Thank you thank you thank you!
I’m struggling with emotional dysregulation, and I’m always on the lookout to find better ways to regulate my emotions. I’m in therapy, and I really believe in that path, but I think it’s missing a very important spiritual and meditative component.
Thank you so much for giving me yet another tool.
You are very welcome, Marthe. Wishing you an easy path.
It is such a convincing video Susan. And I get the bit about wading through quick sand. The worst part of being depressed is feeling guilty about being depressed and replaying in my head the countless times my depression has fatigued friends who meant well, but who were forced to turn away. One may say all one likes that they weren’t true friends – but it is me, and my depression alone that I allowed to burden people who did genuinely care. Maybe someday I will recover and be a better human being.
You will recover. And, yes, adding guilt to depression is awful–but don’t feel guilty about feeling guilty!
True. All of it so true. And spoken only as my future wiser spirit-guiding self could have. Thanks for speaking for her.
xxoo
notice the replies…probably ’cause it’s about a taboo topic that many of us are supposed to feel sorry for OTHERS who have it …but heck not ourselves….add to that other related topics ie loneliness (single or coupled it doesn’t matter sometimes) or fear (esp of aging, getting old, how long should one wish to go for as our abilities diminish, at least for me)….in other words it was nice hearing about an affliction that you also battle with too, just like the rest of us…..kudos.
Best to you!