Buddhism & a Broken Heart
November 14, 2007 | 11 CommentsAm in a bit of a no man’s land regarding the next book I want to write. I want to write about heartbreak from this perspective: there is wisdom in it. The good news and the bad news is that it basically destroys self-view. You are no longer able to see yourself or your life in the same terms; the slate is wiped clean and even though it doesn’t feel very good, there is extraordinary wisdom in this not knowing. A broken heart is like the world’s swiftest BS meter. Whatever is without genuine value–stale friendships, responsibilities that don’t align with your deeper intentions, empty aspirations–simply drops away. You no longer have the stomach for these things, or at least you see them for what they are. You see what everyone and everything in your life is actually made of. You are able to see clearly.
In the Shambhala Buddhist lineage, we talk a lot about spiritual warriorship. What is a warrior? One who is tough enough never to feel pain, never become intimidated? No. That is actually thought of as stupidity. A real warrior embraces clear seeing. She has the intelligence to look directly into her pain and to build from it deeper wisdom. If you can do this, if you can sit night after night with your broken heart, tasting it, feeling it, tolerating it in order to learn its lessons, you deserve to wear the badge of extreme courage. This is a warrior. I bow to you.
I want to write this book so much. I hope my publisher will like it. We shall see.
categorized in: wisdom of a broken heart
11 Comments
What a fantastic idea!
I hope that you have a chance to write this book. I believe that it will help many people.
Thanks Lori and mk. I hope very much to write. I will one way or another!
Your encouragement is meaningful to me, so many thanks.
I am officially 3 months into a breakup, (boooo) and I’ve been looking to everyone and everything to help make sense of these feelings. One Sunday after a particularly annoying dream, I woke up and immediately googled, “Buddhism Broken Heart” and found your blog entry about your own break-up experience. It meant sooo much to me, so dead on to what I was experiencing…that day I went to my first Buddhist meditation class and I’m definitely finding my stride again. I’m not saying the pits are ever too far away, but I can finally breathe again, and that is a huge step.
This morning before work I went to read that again and found this new entry!! Susan, write that book. And you make those people publish it;)
thank you so much for this article, you brought peace into my mind in very difficult struggle
I am very glad to hear this, Ophelka.
I was so glad to read this. I love how you present Buddhism. I’m reading this book and How not to be Afraid of Your Own Life. Thank you so much for writing these. I think I may have finally found my calling in Shambhala Buddhism. My last relationship was with a narcissist i was in love with for almost two years. Now I understand what was happening. I’ve even started to pray for him because he will never know happiness the way he is and I feel sorry for him. And my wounded broken heart is healing. I feel fearless now. I survived what should have been a devistating blow with grace and dignity and courage. This article has helped me so much. Thank you so much for this website. I’m now a regular here 😉
So glad to know you, Erin! Sending love, Susan
I’m 4 months off a long term breakup, one book I found that really helped me was called “The Wisdom of a Broken Heart” it had a slight buddhist slant too it, but I definitely would be interested in reading something with an even more buddhist perspective.
Either way it might be a good research resource for you to start with.
Good luck!
Oh wow, I should obviously pay more attention when I comment on things, my apologies! Anyway, I seriously enjoyed the book, and would love to read one with a more buddhist slant 🙂
briana, you and me both!!!!
and seriously–so glad you enjoyed the book, enough to recommend it…