A show of hands, please. What do you believe in? What are your values? What do you believe is at the heart of human nature?

What kind of world do you want to live in?

Here is what I say.

There are more people who want to act out love than hate.

There are more people who are neither Red nor Blue, no matter where they live.

There are way more people who are not fundamentalist than those who are.

There are more people who prize the values of tolerance, openness, and friendship over money, consumerism, and dogma.

There are more people who want our leaders and institutions to make the health and safety of our bodies and our planet their first priority than there are those who want to pillage both for their own benefit.

There are more of us who are willing to make some sacrifices for the greater good and than those who believe we are in this alone.

We stand by the principle that all persons have the right to choose their own belief system as long as it does not include violence against others.

We hold achievement and abundance as high priorities, but not at the expense of family, friendship, love, joy, raising healthy children, and the creation of a world of opportunity for all.

These—family, love, self-expression, creating goodness for ourselves and others, and tolerance—are the true American values. Beyond this, they are human values.

We want to restore sanity to our systems of governance, education, and commerce. We can do it because wherever lives a person who wants to abuse or kill others, there are countless others who do not.

For every businessperson who lines his or her pockets at the expense of others (or even of our very planet), there are five who give back.

For every self-interested, disingenuous politician, there are ten who would take elective office for the greater good.

And for every cynic who believes that power-grabbing and violence are simply human nature, that any person in position of power or influence would turn on his fellow man, I say there are a million who try to do otherwise everyday. I am one. You are too.

A show of hands, please.

It was so much fun to co-teach with the excellent Ethan Nichtern, Buddhist teacher, author, activist, and pal at the New York Shambhala Center. Here is a podcast of the evening.

PS I’m teaching there April 12-14. Shambhala Training: Level 1.

Choga Nyima
Where we go one…we go All!

Michelle McSweeney
Fortune cookie: All of your tomorrows will take care of themselves if today is well lived.

Melissa Johnson
“Learn to let go of attachment.” It took me years to understand what that really meant, but when I did, it was the second most freeing moment of my life.

Sherry L. Helmke
“Let things come to you.” from Tai Chi Master Frank Fong

Mary McCracken
There is no right way to do the wrong thing.

Solveig Caroline Stroeer
Let go and let God.

Beth Patterson
Never go further than too far.

Diane D’Angelo
Feeling your feelings won’t kill you. Not feeling them will.

Beth Perry
Keep your wits about you and don’t waste time grumbling.

Carrie Meinberg Burke
Strike while the iron is hot.

Tara Anderson
The greatest source of unhappiness: expectations.

Renee Morgan Bochman
if you want to know how your partner will be in a relationship, look at how they treat their family and long time friends.

Angela Nicolosi
When considering someone as your mate, don’t try to figure out how you can fit into their life, ask “Is s/he enough for me?

Vicky Lindo Kemish
“Stay in your lane” is the best advice. Do I follow it? I try but need my alignment checked frequently.

Sera Bishop
From my dad, “Don’t worry; we’re all just a bunch of peons anyway.” Makes me smirk and lightens the mood every time.

Catherine Elcik
Advance confidently in the direction of your dreams and you will have success unimagined in common hours. (though I do wish Thoreou had put CONFIDENTLY in all caps because that’s the pain in the ass about this piece of advice)
Also, as a writer, my mentor once told me to “Stop apologizing for your material.”

S Clark DiBrell
Keep your nose clean. -My Dad
“It doesn’t have to be perfect, but it does have to get done.” Dr. Gary Neal, one of my thesis committee members.
“An idle mind is the Devil’s workshop.” — told to me by my Dad, but said by many before.
“Do the best you can at the time, and then you will never owe anyone an apology nor will you have any regrets.” Carter M. Dibrell, my Dad.

Catherine Elcik
Also, a misquote attributed to Aristotle: “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is no an act, but a habit.”

Beth Patterson
Be someone that others can always trust, even if you tell tall tales!

Margaret Blackie
God isn’t afraid of questions!

Maia Duerr
“Don’t take my advice.”

Kimberly Shepherd
“Don’t marry someone you can live with; marry someone you can’t live without.” – my mother

Kimberly Shepherd
I live by, “This has happened to someone else.”

Mira Dawn
“so you made a mistake….no one died.”

Elizabeth Michaelson
Best advice: “It’s not your fault, but it is your problem.” Words to live by: “Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” — Samuel Beckett. I also  to remind myself of this definition of insanity: doing the se thing over and over and expecting different results.

Elizabeth Cassidy
Close your eyes and picture where your life will be in 5 years if you don’t make any changes. My coach just told me that recently and it keeps my brain racing about making changes for the better.

John Young saw this one the other day and loved it…
“GIVE OTHERS AWESOME POWERS” (via Ben Malbon of Google)

Jessica Lawrence
Run until apprehended. (some of my favorite leadership advice)

Patti Digh
Just answer the question you’ve been asked.

Janet Nass
Sometimes all you can do is lay down on the floor and breathe.

Susan J Preston
I was very fortunate to have a brief one-on-one meeting with Yongey Mingur Rinpoche at a juncture in my life where I was on the brink of making some big decisions. He simply suggested, “Follow your heart.” That. Was. It. I laughed. Isn’t that what Jimminy Cricket would say? Indeed. After that meeting I came to an authentic realization that the answers are within me. There is no master or teacher with a higher wisdom than my own precious heart. And with this realization comes a great amount of responsibility.

Yvonne Daley
Every no gets you closer to yes.

Kevin Bradshaw
“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”

Nancy Gerlach
No mud, no lotus.

Jane Horton
Attend to the world with a mind of gratitute.

Catherine Elcik Also, I’m lucky to have a host of friends who know just the right time to drop an emphatic: “Fuck ‘em all!”

Maxine Rothman
no expectations = no disappointments

Kelly Lindsey
Love deeply, Hold lightly.

Jennie Diggins Way
“Things are as they should be” and “If ever you doubt where you’re meant to be, look down at your feet.”

Brian Fuke Howlett
don’t take yourself seriously.

Sari Boren
It’s not about you.

Val Brown
spirituality is not what you believe, it’s how you behave.

Cathy R Fischer
There’s a lesson in everything.

Nancy Gerlach
The ones that are hardest to love need it the most….

Kevin Townley
Don’t be afraid of who you are.

Mel Annala
Don’t drink the water.

Nancy Gerlach
You can be inpatient or patient but you’re still going to have to wait.

Tenzin Chöphel
It’s not them.

Déborah Rupert
it’s always a matter of point of view and reference.

Tricia Bliven Chasinoff
Don’t believe everything you think…

Brett Boyar from Grandmaster Moy Yat:
Never argue with a crazy person.

Jose Luis
It’s a bit vulgar, but it goes  this (I heard it in Spanish): “If life turns its back at you, then grab its ass”

Jonathan Fields
Bhagavad Gita – Better to follow your own path imperfectly than to follow another’s perfectly

Jen Young
“Yesterday is history. Tomorrow’s a mystery. Today is a gift. That is why it is called ‘The Present.’” -Master Oogway, Kung Fu Panda

Robyn Lindsey
Not necessarily the BEST advice I’ve ever received, but my Dad’s only dating advice to me ever was “don’t get anything on you that you can’t wash off”… it kinda works

Tammy Serata
You can go kicking and screaming, or you can go willingly. Either way, you’re going.
What you practice is what you have.
People don’t do things TO me. They do things FOR themselves

Maureen Dummigan White
I studied with a Malaysian shaman in my early twenties. He was known for a particular brand of Toaism/Confucianism that we jokingly called “confusionism.” He told me to never tell anyone about my intuition or sight. Good advice because it caused me to realize that those are my gifts. Pushed me right into the corner. Now I have meaningful right livelihood based on my intuition and sight.

Joy Christin Detor Holland
Life is a collaboration with love.

Maximo Hudson
“Next time you have a good gf, you better treat her nice.”

Jan Conley Being, a Mainer
I recall an old fisherman saying to me as a youngster “Deah, if you are goin’ thru hell, don’t stop!”

Ronald Wichin
Create happy memories…Louise Piver

Nancy Enge
Look for the helpers. (Mr Rogers)

Erin Melugin Davis
Worrying never changes the outcome of anything.

Don McLeese
This too shall pass.

Sally Tetzlaff
“…it dawns on me that I  am not breaking down or losing anything, but  constantly being refined; that this constant change is the natural state. Stasis is a fiction. I  defined not by what I have been but by what I  becoming.” -Michael Nesmith

Erik Blagsved
it’s none of your/my business – we spend a lot of time trying to figure out things we can’t know or, it wouldn’t matter if we did.
·

Alfred Smith
“Choose your passions.” told to me by a wise mentor. Advice I give my kids as they drive off to college “watch out for idiots.”

Steve Morse
From Billy Joel: “Don’t let the bastards get you down.”

Tanya Bleu Rodriguez
“You can’t protect yourself when you’re falling in love, but you can strengthen your base. Return to your practice, strengthen ties to your community.” (Susan Piver, after a talk at Shambhala)

Mahala Mazerov
Follow the path that has heart ~ Carlos Castinada

Laura Mae Noble
“Don’t play hard to get; BE hard to get.”
“Follow your bliss.”
“Be grateful to everyone.”
“Love is always the appropriate reaction.”

Sarah Jones
Treat others as you would wish to be treated.

Diane Easley
I am inexpensive sometimes, but never free.

Lilyán de la Vega
Two favorites: Grow the seeds of what you want to harvest and This too shall pass.
Another one I really love is: small is beautiful and less is more (thinking of Schumacher’s book)

Robert Chender
Don’t forget your real job.

Evie G Watts
Best ever? How about the most recent best? Choices become habits, habits become talent – Seth Godin

Juan Carlos Castro
Call the search off- Gangaji

Muffie Noble
“Would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?”

Leslie Gibb-Street
You can get your appetite anywhere as long as you eat at home.

Ans de Vries
Trust your illusions

Carrol MoonShadow Clarkson
Think and speak with your Heartmind not your brain.♥♥♥

Abigail Wright
Laughing and crying are the same thing, but laughing makes you feel better!

Elen Ghul
Treat your first wife as your second wife.

Jigme Kunpal
“When you are locked up, try not to live both on the inside and in the free world,~you’ll got crazy. You are inside; you have to live inside.”
And “Don’t be distracted by any of this” told to me in a dream by VCTR

Andrew Sharp
Man’s greatest refuge is gratitude.

Marc Courchesne
The Six Paramitas
 (Ed.: Generosity, patience, discipline, exertion, mindfulness, wisdom)

Emily Herzlin
“Here’s a book on meditation. Read it.” – my 11th grade art teacher

Jim Kabbani
“Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment”

Kimberly J. Bell
1)Be a Mother not a Martyr. 2) We are angels on earth and angels in heaven and it is all the same.

Lark Mathis
Spiritual beings in physical bodies–love is all we need.·

Danita Maria
“Love can never be made safe. It is the opposite of safe. The moment you try to make it safe, it ceases to be love.” – Susan Piver

Valerie Tate
“Practice, practice, practice.” Via my musician parents. “Are you preparing?” From my grandmother as she was dying. And, “You are going to have to go through this to get to the other side.” Various friends as I was recovering from multi-trauma injuries… which was also good practice… and preparation.

Rose Ann Mancias
Begin again !

S Ganly It’s a tie:
1. “Begin. The rest is easy.”
2. “Do not waste your time trying to be rational with an irrational person.”

Char Canvasser Brooks
start anywhere – louise hay.

Chris Zydel
“If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.” ~ Katherine Hepburn
“Never give up. And never, under any circumstances, face the facts.” ~ Ruth Gordon

Sangye Choga Martin
Courage works DJKR

Aime Miyoto
Two gems from my master teacher when I was student teaching: 1) You are not their friend, you are not their mother, you are their teacher 2) The more organized you are the freer you can allow your students to be… (Boy was that a Power Truth that I find to be so true raising children as well.) ·

J. Gregory Wright
Engage in “life giving activities” – doing things for people that give them more time, or reduce stress, or simply give them a reason to be happy. They don’t have to be big things…

Jill Davis
“always be sincere” John Spannuth

Cliff A. Connaughton
If you are not creating, you are dead.

Melanee Herrera

When I was young, I was watching the show Kung Fu. The Master said to the grasshopper (student), “Will worry change the future?” It saved me from a lot of worrying.

Mark Hurwich

A friend who’s husband died a little over a year ago shared her best advice–I’m thankfully not in the situation to need it, but it seemed profoundly useful to her (and is something I’d heed): 1. look up people who knew you in high school and before you got married: they can help you reconnect you to who you also are; 2. say yes to any offers, you never know what they’ll lead to.

Hilary Barrett
“If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing badly.”

Mark Ingland
What you resist, persists.

Valerie Tate
“Pay attention. Prepare to be astonished. Tell us about it.” To writers from author Mary Oliver

Bob Bergeson
Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. –Steve Jobs

Gil Steil
Pride goeth before the fall

Sharon Martinelli
Everything comes to go

Walter Logue
“‘Enlightenment’ comes from BEING everything and nothing at once, it does not come about from knowing everything.”
“If you find yourself in hell, be sure to rob the devils pockets.”
 ·

Susan Piver
Never accept responsibility without authority.

Walter Logue
Oh and one more: “Dying is easy. First live.”

We discussed:

• how I flunked 8th grade, never went to college—and then published six books including a New York Times bestseller
• how I overcame her phobia of flying through the kindness of strangers
• how I went from Austin cocktail waitress to music industry executive
• advice for recent college grads and anyone in the job market
• advice on love, heart break, and things to consider before tying the knot
• how I flunked meditation instruction—and then went on to launch The Open Heart Project: an unconventional meditation school

MAY 8-13

It is rare for me to travel to Europe to teach. In fact, this is the first time ever for me to lead a retreat in Europe (France, to be specific). I am psyched!!

Most Open Heart Project communal gatherings happen at a time or place that is not so convenient for those outside of North America. If you’ve ever wanted to meet in person to practice together and discuss your path, this is the time!

During this 4-day program, we will explore what it really means to have an open heart. This work begins with opening your heart to yourself by releasing guilt, shame, and the constant self criticism we live with.

When this happens, we find that only one thing remains: love.

We will rely on meditation, loving kindness practices, journaling, and small group dialogue to create a relaxed, spacious, and truly liberating inner experience. There will also be time for walks, resting, and generally letting go of our daily concerns to open to a larger reality.

To ensure that this retreat will happen, please register now. (It will cancel if there aren’t sufficient registrants). Thank you and I hope to see you there!

Open Heart Retreat
Dechen Choling
Mas Marvent
87700 St Yrieix sous Aixe, France
Tel: +33 (0)555035552

Which I really enjoyed! In which we covered the following:

During our soulful, in-depth conversation (listen here), we covered:

• Her work as a teacher, writer, and blogger interested in “extreme self knowledge” and“becoming a more truthful version of who I already am.”

• Reading psychology books at the library at 10 years old and feeling like she never fit in.

• Working as a cab driver in Boston and the“Noble Quest” she embarked on after she heard a Bruce Springsteen song that called to her!

• The”auspicious coincidence” of discovering the book “The Heart of the Buddha” By Chogyam Trungpa in 1995 and how that changed her life.

• Meditation: what is it, misconceptions, what you can expect, and can you “stop” thinking?

• What is “dharma”, “stupefaction“, and how does she gain access to the truth.

• “The bad news is your falling through the air. No parachute, nothing to hold on to. The good news is there is no ground!”

• The Open Heart Project- an online meditation project with more than 10,000 participants.

• The tools she uses in her practice, upcoming workshops she’s teaching, and MUCH more!

Last week, I blogged about vulnerability as a path. In other words, it’s not simply a choiceless state of being (we are vulnerable), it is a point of view. A stance. A way. In fact, it may be the only way to solve the problems our world faces. We could at least consider that. I mean nothing else has ever worked. Warfare, peace talks, diplomacy, terrorist attacks, charity, politics, activism…some of these things are really great and some are completely heinous. Nonetheless, they have not created peace in our world.

Could it be that we are going about it all wrong?

What if the only choice for creating a peaceful world was for each of us to create peace in our hearts? It’s possible that this could be the solution. One of the greatest spiritual masters of our age, Dilgo Khyentse Rinpoche, put it quite succinctly: “If you subdue the hatred within, you will discover that there is not a single enemy left outside.” What if, rather than trying to defeat or subdue others, we attempted instead to defeat or subdue our hatred and fear of them? And finally, what if, upon hearing such a suggestion, people did not laugh or dismiss or roll their eyes but actually thought it was possible?

I realized that to quell any knee jerk reactions of hating or fearing other people (even for so-called excellent reasons), I would need to put my assumptions and projections aside at least momentarily. Not for the purpose of building better, nicer, or even more intelligent assumptions and projections, but for the purpose of—wait for it, this is the magic part that transforms everything—for the purpose of feeling. I could feel my own fears. I could feel my rage. I could feel my sadness. When I can do so, it enables me to feel the fear, rage, and sadness of others. When I deny my own, I have to deny everyone else’s. I’m not sure why it works that way, but it seems to.

To feel, we have to open—our eyes, minds, hearts, senses—while putting aside what we expect/hope/fear we will find, otherwise the only communication we have will be with ourselves. To open, vulnerability is required.

So:

When we become vulnerable, we can feel. When we can feel, we can connect. When we can connect, our hearts open. When our hearts open, we cannot hate.

You do the math.

“The only true elegance is vulnerability.” Chogyam Trungpa

Thank goodness for Brené Brown and that Ted talk on vulnerability. That over 7m people have watched is pretty mind blowing and pretty fantastic. What, I have wondered, was in those 7m+ minds as they clicked “play” or “forward” or “replay”? Were they looking for some recognition for their inner experience? Did they want their friends and family to understand something they had been trying to communicate for a long time? Did they want to reassure loved ones that it is okay to feel? Did they want to be reminded again and again that what is sweetest and most tender about them is also a source of power? 

I don’t know, but I have certainly felt all of these things in connection with that talk and this topic altogether. I’ve longed to be respected rather than doubted for my sensitivity. I’ve wanted to assure so many people—loved ones, readers, students—that their sorrows and fears are gateways to wisdom and brilliance. And I’ve needed continual support for the view that, okay, the meek may inherit the earth, but first they must protect it and ensure its survival. They are the only ones who can do it.

Solving our problems—personal, creative, global—through aggression has failed. To conquer the forces that threaten us—personally, creatively, globally—will require strengths far more profound and a thousand times more fierce than brute force and/or diplomatic formulae, no matter how sophisticated and well researched.

No army can conquer the human psyche which, when wounded beyond reason, acquires savage force.

No treaty or agreement, no matter how perfectly designed or worded can create peace when the terror in our hearts outweighs the dignity. It will simply never work.

The changes we require to stop killing each other and destroying the earth will not arise on the outer level through warfare or policy. At this point, neither battlefield nor political victory can cause me to celebrate. The changes must happen within our hearts.

When we set down our continual quest for entertainment to distract ourselves from anxiety and instead meet that anxiety with courage, I will celebrate.

When we offer tolerance rather than fundamentalist denial to those who think differently than we, I will celebrate.

When we look at our world: our loved ones, strangers, enemies and all the living beings of this earth and the earth itself as friends to be cared for, as worthy of our compassion rather than our fear, anger, or manipulation, I will celebrate without end. We all will.