Great response to broken heart questions. Please read!

Please check out these wonderful responses. Most people eventually find a way to get over a broken heart, but not with so much awareness and generosity toward self and ex.

What helped you? (If anything.)

Time. And our ability to keep in touch throughout all these years
after. This was a wonderful midlife romance that has turned into a
friendship for going on 15 years now. At the time of the breakup
though it was trauma. The pain lasted for at least 6 months to a
year. one thing about being an adult (hopefully) is that you don’t
go away mad when you realize there are other riches to be had. What
helped me was her easily letting me down, being honest about how a
life together would create issues in her life. And I knew from my
heart of hearts that we would be at each other’s throats in the day
to day of of a relationship. The hardest part to let go was the
sexual intimacy. I had come out of a second marriage that was
basically emasculating, manipulative (on her part), and fuel to my
rage. Once this marriage ended (a 12 years), an enormous weight was
lifted off my back and my rage, which I had seen professional help
about, deflated like a balloon in few weeks. When miss future
heartbreak and I got together it was like teenagers all over again,
something I had not experienced since before my marriage. We were
both coming out of marriages, hers a 30 year run which ended when
her husband ran off with another woman. We were both rebounders. Or
is that reboundees? She was obsessive about cleanliness in her home
to the point that a dropped peanut husk on the kitchen floor caused
her to say on one of my visits, with THE LOOK only women can
give…”we will NEVER EVER get married!” Of course i was not
looking for a third marriage so i was perplexed. At my place, which
was a bit of a mess, she had no problem. my place was my place and
how i kept it was my business. she didn’t try to change it nor
clean it (darn it). My place was a refuge from her hectic life of 4
grown kids and 9 grandkids. there is a number of things she trusts
me on, my judgment, my honesty and frankly now that we are not in
a heavy deep relationship i can easily be more honest with her. she
values my opinion.

What did you learn about yourself?

—-the first thing i learned going into this rebound relationship
was that I had not lost my touch in the bedroom despite my fallow
second marriage. the second thing i learned was that all those
years in marriage i had not grown emotionally. i had stagnated. and
this created a number of irritations in this rebound relationship.
i was an embarrassment of excess baggage. I also learned the value
of deep friendship with a member of the opposite sex and i have a
number of women friends now, many of them happily married, or
settled in their lifestyle, and their perspective is greatly
appreciated. I learned how to grow up and get rid of that excess
baggage just in time. Because that allowed me to also confront my
cancer in healing ways. I became more in control of my emotions.
and in helping others sometimes tackle theirs.

About love?

—-it don’t come around very often so when it does embrace,
cherish, coddle, nurture, feed, and grow it. Do not smother it.
Let it seek its own sunshine. Become water and live and let live.
Love has many forms. I have lots of people that I love and that
love me even though I have chosen celibacy since that relationship
ended. Not out of bitterness but out of being set in my ways and
enjoying that. If the right person came along….perhaps a well
worn path between two houses may be the ticket. Altho as a
cherished friend of mine, since passed, once said, the problem with
that is you never know who is coming in the back door. Ha!

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categorized in: relationships