In which we listen to music and search for our hearts

September 10, 2012   |   8 Comments

Today our topic is feeling: What it means to feel, how we meet our feelings in helpful and unhelpful ways, and how it is just plain difficult for so many of us to even know what it is we are feeling.

The question, “what do you feel right now,” presents problems for many of us.

Some people will tell you what they think.

Some people will search within and come up with a version of what they feel that is modeled on what they were told they should feel, whether by parents, friends, or TV.

Others of us simply have no clue how to answer because, well, we just have no clue. The heart-head-mouth pipeline is moribund.

The unwillingness or inability to feel is at the heart of so many of our problems.

We have a fear of facing ourselves. That is the obstacle. Experiencing the innermost core of our existence is very embarrassing to a lot of people. A lot of people turn to something that they hope will liberate them without their having to face themselves. That is impossible. We can’t do that. We have to be honest with ourselves, said Tibetan meditation master Chogyam Trungpa.

When we sit down to meditate, in some very simple but precise way, we are facing ourselves. While the great majority of the time it is, let’s face it, pretty boring, at other times you catch glimpses of yourself. Sometimes what you see is awesome. Sometime, not so much. But we have to look.

But it is scary to do this and so we have to find a way to ride whatever we encounter. Sometimes we might cry and then we need a way to ride sorrow. Sometimes we may find something terribly funny and then we need a way to ride delight. The same goes for fear, anger, and love. When you know that you can ride whatever emotion may arise, you become quite fearless.

So how do you do this whole feeling thing?

Does it mean trying to feel something in all situations, i.e. amping up your emotionality? It does not.

Does it mean saying whatever you feel as you feel it? It does not.

We are going to demonstrate what is meant by feeling by listening to a piece of music together.

The greatest analogy I know of for feeling is listening. When you truly listen, you turn towards the sound (with your attention) and give up any notion of how it “should” go to simply take it in. When Chogyam Trungpa says we have to face ourselves, in my experience, this is what he means. We turn toward what we feel and take it in without preconceived notions.

So let’s try it together.

The piece of music I’ve chosen is a 5-minute jazz standard called “My One and Only Love” and the title or lyrics have nothing to do with why I chose it. In fact, if you could totally ignore the lyrics, that would be great. Instead, we’re going to attune to sound. One reason I chose this piece (aside from the fact that I totally love it) is that it is very, very beautifully, impossibly simple. The first half is all instrumental and the vocal doesn’t come in until the midway point—and it is absolutely gorgeous. But, again, we’re not listening for meaning, we’re listening simply to connect with sound and follow it with our ears.

To listen, you may stay as you are or lie down. Make yourself comfortable. You can keep your eyes open or closed. For the first half of the piece, just listen to John Coltrane’s saxophone. Hold your mind to the sax as you would hold your mind to your breath in meditation. Stay with it. If you wander off, come back. In the second half, train your ear on vocalist Johnny Hartman’s voice. Just track it with your attention. Stay with it. If you wander off, come back.

So let’s listen and then we’ll see just what all this has to do with feeling.

Here is the piece.

This is all that feeling is: training your attention on what is coursing through you and staying with it until it dissipates or until you simply don’t want to do so anymore. Feeling here is not about what you feel or concocting a narrative from what you feel (this feeling means my relationship won’t work out, that feeling means I should quit my job) and simply feeling.

Listening to music is as close as I can come to explaining what is meant by Pema Chodron’s advice to “Feel the feelings. Drop the story.”

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8 Comments

  • Posted by:  Kim

    I really loved feeling this meditation, Susan. For me, music definitely helps me to stay present and to feel. It is the closest experience I have to feeling totally one with something.

    This particular piece did that for me. I felt the music directly in my body and the simple flow of it did seem like ocean waves. Interesting to know that not everyone has this experience listening to music.

    Lately, I have been meditating outside and just taking in all of the sounds around me as if it were a symphony.

    • Posted by:  susan

      Kim, so glad this was a good experience for you. I am glad to know that!

  • Posted by:  Liz

    WOW!!! This is, and has been for many years, my favorite song!! So happy to know you love it as much as I do. I absolutely love Coltrane, and listening to the blend of Coltrane’s sax and Hartman’s voice takes me to a place of utmost serenity. This song is frequently the first thing I want to listen to when I get home from work. The comparison between focusing our attention on the music and focusing our attention on our feelings without adding a story to them is a perfect analogy. You simply experience it and nothing more. Thank you!

    • Posted by:  susan

      This is so awesome!! We are totally sisters in our love for this tune…

  • Posted by:  Grete

    Great post today. But I have a question about this think of listen to our emotions without judging or trying to change them. How I’m supposed to do with my bad feelings live envy, or angry, don’t have I to try to improve myself and don’t feel this things? I just have to feel them?
    Why if so? (I’m italian so sorry for my english errors in advance
    Thank you Susan for you project, it’s really helping me

    • Posted by:  susan

      Hi Grete. Sorry it took so long to respond. I would say that the answer is, “yes, you should try to improve yourself” and “yes, you have to feel them.” The more I practice, the more I see there really is no difference. Please let me hear your thought on this!

      And so glad the project is helpful to you.

  • Posted by:  Tammy

    Hello Susan!

    I love this concept of riding feelings as we do music. I think of it as waves on the ocean, too, and have a vision of surfing joyously: Riding the exhilarating crests, sinking to the darkest depths, bouncing across the chop, and gliding smoothly when the water’s like glass. I have no control and no judgment. The waves are beyond all that; they’re waves! But I know that I’m not alone; we’re all in this ocean (song) together.

    Love love love
    Tammy

    • Posted by:  susan

      Tommy, so, so happy this was inspiring to you…

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