relationships Archives - Susan Piver : Susan Piver


Viewing Posts in relationships

Love and Attachment

February 13, 2018   |   Leave a reply

The meditation begins at 6:00. Audio only version is here. Hello and welcome to your meditation practice. This week is the week of Valentine’s Day here in the western world–a day anticipated by some and dreaded by others. In all cases, love is real! Today’s talk is about attachment. If spiritual people prize non-attachment, how do they fall in love,... READ MORE

The Truth About Marriage Vows: Five Promises you Can Keep.

May 31, 2017   |   8 Comments

(Parts of this piece were published previously, but as our wedding anniversary approaches, I felt compelled to update it.) Next month, my partner and I celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary. Nineteen years. How the hell did that happen?! As we get ready to celebrate nearly two decades of wedded bliss, (and also of wedded hell, confusion, joy, and mystery), I’ve... READ MORE

Buddhism and Relationships: Eight Qualities of Love

May 15, 2017   |   3 Comments

Even though Buddhism is often associated with ascetic practices done by people in robes, as a 20+ year practitioner, it has been useful to apply core Buddhist teachings to my love life. Buddhist practice and study were helpful when I fell in love, got my heart broken, and, now, in marriage. In a recent post, I offered a way to... READ MORE

Buddhism and Relationships: The Four Noble Truths of Love

May 5, 2017   |   3 Comments

Earlier this week, I posted about applying the wisdom of Buddhism to romantic relationships. Is it even possible? Advisable? As a Buddhist and a wife, I would say yes. Relationships have periods of closeness and distance and no one can really tell you what governs their coming and going. It’s a mystery. During one such period of distance with my... READ MORE

Buddhist wisdom for relationships.

May 2, 2017   |   6 Comments

My 19th wedding anniversary is coming up next month. HOLY CRAP. I never in a million years imagined that I would be with one person for this long. Our marriage has been more than I could have hoped for but nothing I would ever have expected. Like most of us, when I was young, I dreamed of finding the right relationship.... READ MORE

Renunciation and the Church of Magical Eating

February 21, 2017   |   1 Comment

When you think of spirituality, you might call to mind a framework or set of rules that show you the way to inner peace, to end your suffering (and possibly even avoid death), is to be good. On the darker end of the spectrum, however, behavior is often driven by a fear of consequences (of not following the rules), an... READ MORE

Just You and Me

January 21, 2017   |   Leave a reply

Since the presidential election, I have felt called to do more. To get involved with organizations that stand for the values I hold dear, to call my elected officials to give them a piece of my mind (or at least read one of the suggested scripts from Facebook), to march and rail and educate myself about my own ignorance and... READ MORE

Dear Susan, How Do I Deal With Emotional Abuse?

May 11, 2016   |   2 Comments

A meditation teacher and award-winning author provides guidance on readers’ real-life problems. Here is her advice on domestic distress. Dear Susan, My boyfriend of 10 years now is so rude to me. He barks orders and isn’t sexually interested anymore and complains about all that I do. I feel worthless. What should I do? Dear Friend, Well, this is a... READ MORE

Dear Susan, I Am Rethinking My Marriage and Don’t Know What to Do

April 27, 2016   |   2 Comments

A meditation teacher and award-winning author provides guidance on readers’ real-life problems. Here is her advice on what to do when you’re spiritually disconnected from your spouse. Dear Susan, Four years ago something changed in me. I woke up feeling electrical. Full of energy. I saw things different, knowledge of things I don’t know came from where. Now my husband... READ MORE

Dear Susan, How Do I Deal with Anger?

April 21, 2016   |   1 Comment

A meditation teacher and award-winning author provides guidance on readers’ real-life problems. Here is her advice on understanding and resolving anger. Dear Susan, How does one let go of anger—not deep-rooted anger but anger over everyday trivial things? How can I learn to really let go of things that don’t matter in my life? Too much time is wasted on... READ MORE

Dear Susan, How Do I Deal With Loss?

April 18, 2016   |   1 Comment

  A meditation teacher and award-winning author provides guidance on readers’ real-life problems. Here is her advice on dealing with loss. Dear Susan, It has been 11 years since my late husband’s tragic death, I have since remarried, but I am missing my late husband greatly. I still miss him very much. How can I fully move on with my... READ MORE

How I feel about JetBlue (and a bunch of other stuff)

August 17, 2015   |   14 Comments

Is it totally silly to have feelings about an airline? It may be. However, when you are a nervous flier (as I am), it matters. “Nervous flier” is the term used by airport and airline professionals to designate anyone who may freak out while in the process of checking in, boarding, flying, and/or deplaning. If you use this term while... READ MORE

3 Ways Buddhism can help you heal a broken heart

May 5, 2014   |   19 Comments

Nothing feels worse than a broken heart, the kind you get when someone you love ends the relationship. Feelings of shame, remorse, grief, rage, and terror can overwhelm even the most stable human being. Heartbreak has the power to reframe a workable life as a disaster. Surprisingly, Buddhism has a tremendous amount of helpful advice for working with these terrible... READ MORE

The Secret to Happiness (as per the Dalai Lama, et al)

January 15, 2014   |   17 Comments

For some reason, I’ve taken it upon myself to declare new holidays. The last one was “International I Don’t Feel Bad About Anything Day” which was celebrated by not feeling guilty or judgmental about anything for one whole day. The new holiday is called “What About You? Day.” We celebrate by replacing the thought, “What About Me?” with “What About... READ MORE

The necessity of emotion

January 6, 2014   |   10 Comments

To be a spiritual warrior, one must have a broken heart; without a broken heart and the sense of tenderness and vulnerability that is in one’s self and all others, your warriorship is untrustworthy. -Chögyam Trungpa Chogyam Trungpa, the Tibetan meditation master who introduced the Shambhala teachings in the West, famously coined the phrase “idiot compassion” which is an interesting... READ MORE

#Inbound13 and the Culture of Caring

August 23, 2013   |   25 Comments

I have really got to get out of the house more often. I was honored to have had the chance to offer a “Bold Talk” this week at the 2013 Hubspot Inbound Conference. Hubspot is a company that provides marketing software to small businesses and this year there were over 5500 attendees at the event, about twice as many as... READ MORE

Introducing the Open Heart Project Podcast! First Topic: L O V E

July 31, 2013   |   5 Comments

Hello and welcome to the first Open Heart Project podcast! Personally, I’m very psyched. The first topic is: “The Dharma of Love.” To listen and subscribe on iTunes, click here. This podcast is about falling in love, being in a relationship, and breaking up—from a Buddhist point of view. As a student of Buddhism and someone who has fallen in love, lost love,... READ MORE

The Dharma of Love: a podcast

July 31, 2013   |   2 Comments

Hello and welcome to the first Open Heart Project podcast! Personally, I’m very psyched. The first topic is: “The Dharma of Love.” To listen and subscribe on iTunes, click here. This podcast is about falling in love, being in a relationship, and breaking up—from a Buddhist point of view. As a student of Buddhism and someone who has fallen in love, lost love,... READ MORE

Seth Godin, meditation, the enneagram, and what it means to pay attention

May 24, 2012   |   27 Comments

Seth Godin, the marketing genius, writer, teacher, and all-around awesome person is one of my idols. I receive his blog posts every day and, although our topics are different, in many ways I model my work on his for its clarity, usefulness, and soulfulness. His post today was about empathy as a most important component of strategic marketing. If we... READ MORE

My friends got married!

September 21, 2011   |   5 Comments

(photo credit: Katie Day Weisberger) And I got to write a poem for my beloved Ming and Kate. Say Yes First, contemplate the Great Eastern Sun. Say yes. Then establish the palace of touch. With delight, unbind the yes of that sweetness again and again, And may that delight produce future warriors. Say yes.

Fun podcast interview with Ethan Nichtern

September 29, 2010   |   Leave a reply

Ethan Nichtern, founder of the awesome Interdependence Project, interviewed me for his podcast. Topics: finding the path, relationships and the lack of Buddhist teachings on them, creativity, and more. I loved talking to Ethan. Check out his book. One City. Here is the interview. Enjoy!

Opening to Love After Heartbreak

July 14, 2010   |   14 Comments

Since The Wisdom of a Broken Heart came out, I’ve had the honor of speaking with many people who are meeting this incredibly difficult life passage with courage and tenderness. We talk about the endless waves of grief, fear, and rage and how one could possibly weather them. We talk about the valuable, hard-won heart opening that can arise. And... READ MORE

Heartbreak: How to gain closure?

June 17, 2010   |   26 Comments

Among the many difficulties that come with a breakup, the worst may be when the person who broke up with you will not discuss it and may even cut off contact altogether. I have one friend who was talking about marriage one day, and the next, literally, could not get her to take his calls. Eventually, he got a letter... READ MORE

Loving Kindness: An Unexpected Way to Pacify Heartbreak

June 10, 2010   |   12 Comments

(Photo: Vanessa Pike-Russell’s Flickr photostream) When your heart is broken or you’re otherwise dealing with strong painful emotions, the idea of feeling genuine loving kindness for anyone can seem far-fetched, much less yourself or the one who broke your heart. Loving kindness is soft and gentle, but your heart feels cold and numb or enflamed with rage—not loving at all.... READ MORE

There is a way to write that solidifies story lines–and a way to write that liberates you from them.

June 8, 2010   |   8 Comments

I and Twitter pals Hiro Boga (@hiroboga), Mahala Mazerov (@luminousheart), and Jennifer Louden (@jenlouden) all wrote on the same topic today: The process of writing. For a kaleidoscopic view of this issue (storytelling vs truth telling), check them out. Hiro Boga: Tsunamis in the House of Wholeness Jennifer Louden: How to Be a Writer Who Loves the Gap Mahala Mazerov:... READ MORE

New Dimensions interview available as free download

May 1, 2010   |   Leave a reply

The “short form” of my New Dimensions Café interview is now available for listening and downloading for FREE on the New Dimensions website. From their website: Program Description: “Love is the least safe thing there is. It’s fierce. You can’t domesticate it. It’s wild. When you find it you should rejoice. When you lose it you should grieve.” So says... READ MORE

Buddhism and Relationships: 3 Stages to Heal a Broken Heart

April 28, 2010   |   233 Comments

(handy for working with strong emotions in general) Nothing feels worse than a broken heart, the kind you get when someone you love ends the relationship. Feelings of shame, remorse, grief, rage, and terror can overwhelm even the most stable human being. Heartbreak has the power to reframe a workable life as a disaster. Surprisingly, Buddhism has a tremendous amount... READ MORE

Talking bout love + some stuff I saw today

January 19, 2010   |   4 Comments

Downtown Wichita in the rain Beautiful & flat Completely strange shopping mall with some kind of play area with gorilla. I cannot figure this out. But thought the gorilla looked pretty cool coming through the mist. Gorilla in the mist, Kansas-stylee. Drive became extremely foggy at one point. Kind of cool. Prairie moonscape. Mountains rising up on the road to... READ MORE

A Stay Better Better

January 14, 2010   |   2 Comments

Video interview from the road with the beautiful Erielle. She discusses her broken heart and what helped her to find a way to stay better.

"View from the Bay" TV appearance, 12/15

December 17, 2008   |   10 Comments

Sorry I haven’t posted in so long! Have been toooo busy. I hate being busy. But between consulting work, revising new book, and hair appointments, haven’t had a moment. A consulting gig has been taking me to the Bay Area every 10 days or so and while last there was on a local ABC show, discussing “The Hard Questions: 100... READ MORE

The Stages of Heartbreak

October 1, 2008   |   3 Comments

My friend Sarah ingeniously outlines them this way. Check out her blog for more such Sarah-ness. Here are the phases as I see it… 1) The Break-up/Emotional Thrombosis/International Freak-out Whatever, that’s like a month to 6 weeks of hell, panic, devastation. All you have to do is survive and lean on your friends and family as much as possible. I... READ MORE

Wedding Poem

September 2, 2008   |   Leave a reply

Photo by Ming My beautiful friend Dana got married to the excellent Saxon and she asked me to say something during the ceremony. What could be a greater honor? And what can one possible say to mark something as momentously insanse and fabulous as getting married? Here is the poem I wrote: For you, under an open sky without beginning... READ MORE

Practicing Buddhism and Marriage

July 31, 2008   |   Leave a reply

An article in the upcoming issue of “We’re So Close, It’s Lonely” Click on this nutty illustration of me to read this essay on loneliness in intimate relationships.


June 17, 2008   |   8 Comments

In the beginning, I took the teacher as teacher, In the middle, I took the scriptures as teacher, In the end, I took my own mind as teacher. –From Journey to Enlightenment, pictorial biography of Dilgo Khyenste Rinpoche Relationships are lonely. Even good ones. My relationship with my husband is lonely. My relationship with my guru is lonely. They’re the... READ MORE

Buddhism & Heartbreak 2: For Celia and Rich

April 11, 2008   |   3 Comments

Dear Celia and Rich, Thank you so much for your comments to my blog post, Buddhism & Relationships. The issues you both point out are so monumental and confusing. It sounds to me like the questions you’re posing are along these lines: Which kind of love is the kind I should seek? Where does my heart belong? How far should... READ MORE

Ask The Hard Questions before marriage!

February 14, 2008   |   4 Comments

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone. Today is supposed to be the most romantic day of the year and I hope it is for each and every one of you. And if you’re thinking of getting married or otherwise settling in to one relationship, congratulations. You are fortunate, brave, and, if you’re like most of us, terrified. Why do so many couples... READ MORE

Me! Tyra! Giganta-Hair!

February 10, 2008   |   Leave a reply

The Tyra episode I taped (and blogged about) a few months ago will air on Valentine’s Day. The show is called “Will You Marry Me?” My appearance accounts for about 1/2 of 1% of the entire show. Although my hair takes up the entire screen. They really super-poofed my hair. That’s me in the back, looking ferklempt (not to mention... READ MORE

Tyra taping

December 6, 2007   |   2 Comments

I taped a short segment on the Tyra Banks show on Dec 5. It was about asking The Hard Questions before you get married. This is not the dress I wore, but it was basically this style: Here’s what happened: The roller coaster ride is over and I’m back at my desk in Boston wondering if the whole thing even... READ MORE

Tyra! Me! Relationships!

December 5, 2007   |   7 Comments

Taping an interview today on the Tyra Banks show!!! Totally came out of the blue. As these things do. I’ll be talking with Tyra and a very adorable couple about their plans to marry and why it’s important to ask The Hard Questions. I don’t know when it will air; perhaps Valentine’s Day. From past experience, I know that being... READ MORE

Great response to broken heart questions. Please read!

November 24, 2007   |   Leave a reply

Please check out these wonderful responses. Most people eventually find a way to get over a broken heart, but not with so much awareness and generosity toward self and ex. What helped you? (If anything.) Time. And our ability to keep in touch throughout all these years after. This was a wonderful midlife romance that has turned into a friendship... READ MORE

Ever had a broken heart?

November 20, 2007   |   Leave a reply

I’d love to hear your story for my next book. What helped you? (If anything.) What did you learn about yourself? About love? If you don’t want to post here, feel free to email me directly. If you liked this article, please bookmark it on or vote for it on Digg. I’d appreciate it. 🙂

Cosmo Mag: Rule Reversal

November 8, 2007   |   1 Comment

I was interviewed for an article in this month’s Cosmopolitan magazine: 7 Love Rules You Need to Break. TODAY show did a segment about the article about a week ago. I had nothing to do with it, but it’s interesting because you just never know where things are going to turn up.

Sadness and Heartbreak

November 7, 2007   |   1 Comment

I posted an essay some weeks (months?) back called, “Once I Had a Broken Heart.” I’ve received a tremendous amount of feedback, mostly from people who are struggling with this extraordinarily painful situation. The pain of a relationship ending is so real and cuts so deep, but we think we should just snap out of it after awhile. It’s not... READ MORE

Stories I've Been Told

November 6, 2007   |   Leave a reply

When my husband and I began dating, we had tremendous hunger to know who the other was. Daytime was an irritating obstacle to be gotten through until we could hold each other at night, when we would make love, certainly, but mainly we looked at each other. Listened. Smelled. Tasted. Touched. He was a stranger, but I knew him. And... READ MORE

A Viewpoint on Heartbreak

November 6, 2007   |   1 Comment

I was talking to my friend Michael Carroll today. We started discussing the nature of heartbreak. Here’s what he said. Check this riff: The defining aspect of our nature is vulnerability. Vulnerability is the precondition for compassion. The foundation of vulnerability is uncertainty. The seed of the open mind is tenderness…this is what allows us to fall in love, cherish... READ MORE

once i had a broken heart. it was awful.

September 15, 2007   |   35 Comments

This is my story. What’s yours? Buddhism gives a unique perspective on relating to a broken heart. Of course, there are broken hearts and then there are broken hearts. No matter how much losing other relationships may have made you cry, there are some endings that transcend everything you’ve ever known about pain. If you’ve had such a heartbreak, you... READ MORE

new article: "getting serious"

August 24, 2007   |   2 Comments

I wrote an article entitled, “Getting Serious” for the September issue of Body & Soul magazine. It’s about things to consider when you’re thinking about getting serious about a relationship.

compromise, shmompromise

June 22, 2007   |   3 Comments

“Relationships take compromise.” Is there any piece of relationship advice more ubiquitous than this? Personally, the first time I heard it, I hoped it wasn’t true. It sounded like a grim reality, one where I’d have to sacrifice what I wanted and find some way to do what the other person wanted even though it was stupid. And plus I’d... READ MORE

UK glamour mag called

June 6, 2007   |   1 Comment

what questions can you ask yourself to see if you’re ready for marriage? could i devise a short quiz for readers to test their readiness? i love things like this. a chance to try to say something i believe to be helpful, in women’s magazine-speak. without being a liar or a fool. challenge to self: try to point out the... READ MORE

"Out of Fear" (Shambhala Sun 2007)

June 3, 2007   |   Leave a reply

When I began practicing Buddhism in 1995, I hoped it would help me cope with depression, make me more loving, and, mainly, decrease the level of fear that seemed to always accompany me—fear of financial ruin, war, my own unlovability, or who could be calling me on the phone. And it really helped with these things; I calmed down a... READ MORE