From Your Excellent Meditation Questions: What happens when I get carried away by discursiveness?
June 23, 2011 | 8 Comments
I wasn’t able to get to all your (excellent) questions during our two conference calls last week, so i’ll be answering them here.
Q. My question: I sometimes get carried away with my fantasies and discursive thoughts during meditation. I am aware of the fact that I am getting carried away, and then I sabotage my practice by making a conscious choice that I need to process this particular issue right now, or that I find this fantasy so pleasurable that I am going to continue with it, instead of going back to the boring breath. Then I later beat myself up for my weakness. Do you have any suggestions for being more disciplined with my practice? Again—this particular problem is not that I am unaware that my attention has strayed; rather, I am aware but unwilling or unable to come back to the breath. It is like a contest of wills and often the weaker one wins out.
A. Thank you for this question. None of this is a problem. I have two suggestions.
First, when you notice that you get carried away by fantasies and discursiveness, as soon as you notice that, let the fantasy or thought go and return to breath. Try saying to yourself, silently: “thinking” as a way of marking the moment and letting go. When you notice that you are making a conscious choice to process, call that “thinking” also, let it go, and come back. When you notice that you are beating yourself up, call that “thinking,” let it go, and come back. Coming back is discipline itself. You don’t have to worry about tightening up or becoming more strict or calling yourself out as a way of becoming more disciplined. All you have to do is notice, let go, and come back. Similarly, when you notice that you are unwilling or unable to come back, call that “thinking” as well. When the weaker voice wins out, call that “thinking” and come back. When the stronger voice wins out, you guessed it, call that “thinking” too and come back.
Second, try practicing for slightly longer periods. The dance you describe is completely natural and normal for a person who is just settling into her practice for the day. Our minds can twist and turn into some pretty funny shapes as we begin to practice. It can take 10, 15, or even 20 minutes to settle in. As you practice for longer periods (maybe try it once a week?), you’ll see that much of this discursiveness dispels itself.
Hope this is helpful!
categorized in: open heart project
8 Comments
*smiling* I have experienced that myself. What is more disconcerting is when the thoughts are not so pleasant and I can’t pull myself away, back to the breath. I’m resigned that ‘practice makes perfect’ may not be so, but practice makes Practice. And so I carry on.
Suzanne, the pleasant thoughts and the unpleasant ones are both fine in the practice. You don’t quite ignore either, even though the primary focus is on the breath. It’s more like we notice them, touch them with our attention, almost like you’d feel the quality of the air–is it heavy, cool, still, choppy?–and then let it go… I hope this makes sense.
Excellent advice. The mind tends to do that and is to be expected. That’s what the practice is-calming the mind.
I so get the experience described in this post. For myself, it boils down to boredom. I get so damn bored with focusing on my breath when this fantasy is so much more interesting and fun! Makes me sound so flighty and I’m not–or at least not all of the time. I’ve been practicing meditation for brief time periods (10-15 minutes) several times a week for months now and I so struggle with the focus on the breath. Why am I so afraid of boredom?! I signed up for the “open up” project and look forward to learning more.
Suzane, so glad you signed up for the project and I appreciate your practice experience! The boredom is actually thought to be a very good development. It means you are experiencing the space between the fantasies and anxieties. We are so accustomed to endless entertainments and it can feel so odd to let them go. The practice is truly boring, there is no question. It is also many other things. But the boredom is a sign that you’re mind is actually starting to calm down. It doesn’t feel “great,” but it is a good thing anyway!
I go through this experience every single time:-) On top, I go through the other problem of wanting to peek at the timer to ensure that I have only very little time left! And all this is such a struggle and yet I dont understand your suggestion as to doing a prolonged period of meditation? I would love to but HOW?
Don’t worry about wanting to peek at the timer and so on. Call it “thinking” and come back! It really doesn’t matter how many times you have to do this. There is no goal when it comes to meditation, other than to allow your experience to be what it is as you maintain primary focus on the breath. As you practice for longer periods, the discursiveness and jumpiness of your mind will settle on its own. Please be very gentle with yourself and know that all of your experiences during practice, the anxious ones, the peaceful ones, the confused ones, the brilliant ones–can be included in the practice.
Thanks so much for that encouragement! That certainly helps to know. I notice my draw to entertainments in my life outside of meditation and wonder about it sometimes. And I see it in the lives of my children as well. No clear sense of what direction to go with it; I’m just noticing for now.