The Path to Love is Right Here
What a great gathering! Thank you so much for being willing to open your heart to give and receive more love. I hope that the Four Noble Truths of Love gave you much to think about.
To continue the conversation, please register for the 4-week E-Course that begins on April 13. The cost is $54, although this program (and all the programs I teach) are free for Open Heart Project Sangha members.
40 Comments
Hi, Susan here! So glad you’re participating in this live video call. If you have questions or comments, please leave them below. I will do my best to offer something helpful. After you leave your question or comment you will have to re-click the “play” arrow on the video.
Do you still give love if you don’t receive it? Lets say if you were in a relationship with someone who was going through a rough time and they didn’t love themselves and they suddenly walk away from you and break your heart few times? I believe in giving chances to the ones we love and proving them that love exists because I felt it really existed but the situation got in the way. Can you please share your opinion.
I was there, and it took me a long time to recover. I did a lot of work, peeling the layers away, writing in my journal, and with some good therapy I was able to reinvent myself. Intellectually, I always knew that he had freed me. When i also understood this emotionally; I was truely free!
Thank you Louanne, appreciate your comment and sharing your story. I kind of accepted that I deserve more and know that the relationship was not going anywhere but it’s still tough for me as I’m healing.
Thanks a lot Susan! It was so great to hear about the 4 nobles that is very precious. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and knowledge.
What should I do the video seems to be frozen?
thank you susan, you are live , back!
Can’t thank you enough for opening our time with this story, My partner and I celebrate one year tomorrow. We feel/hope/endeavor to believe we are on a path toward marriage. (in fact he just brought us home your book, The Hard Questions . Can’t thank you enough for this teaching. I welcome any and all wisdom Susan!!!
Happy anniversary, Faith! So happy you’re in love and I wish you every possible blessing. xo S
Resently my wish was finding a spiritual body and be creative ( music & art) together to give the world , just growing together this is what i would love ! But if it works out like – you just told it is also dangerous not to accumulate more neg . Karma in struggle about the Dharma? There was already the biggest love was the first one with … we changed but he and the family is still my family even i went away.. but it would be difficult to live in a golden cache – i choose to be a free bird. How difficult not to hurt the people you love most… the closest get it all .. … thank you for this talk, Susan!!
I agree, it is more difficult the closer you get! Wishing you well in love and everything–
This is a moment of being valuable by sharing where I am at this moment.
I’ve recently developed a new friendship filled with fun, joy, practice, safety,
honesty and all of a sudden feelings for me become a bit mixed. Darn it! Not my
intention at all. Add to the mix that I’m a lesbian and my friend isn’t. Ooops.
Add yet another item to the mix. I’m been abstinent from romantic relationships.
Feelings arise that I haven’t felt in almost 16 years. Major oops to say the least.
Now I have these old habitual patterns of long ago to look at with fresh view. It
doesn’t make it any less uncomfortable or any less painful.
Yet a moment of growth.
It’s never simple, is it… It is all so mysterious and the more mysterious, the more the potential for growth, it seems… Wishing you well, warrior!
What are your feelings about couples therapy, pre marital counseling,… etc. I am set on the idea the therapist needs to share my belief in spirit/ buddhist thought/ May I respectfully inquire if you have any direct experience with couples therapy? In many ways I’m terrified of participating
I love any kind of therapy! Or course it all depends on finding the right therapist… We went to a great person early in our relationship and still visit him from time to time. If you’re afraid, that would be a good thing to talk about up front. Wishing you well!
How important is the act of Humility in loving relationships? Why?
Not sure. Can you say more?
At 67 years old, I am trying to learn to allow my needs to be known and expressed in a relationship. I tend to give up myself and feel my role is to be only for the other person, especially to heal “wounded birds”.
How can more balance be achieved?
Thanks.
I am not in a loving relationship, but am looking for it! In fact, I have been on a search for love for over a decade (following a divorce). I find that the longer I am in this search, the more cynical and judgemental I am becoming. I am learning from you today that maybe it’s more about BEING LOVING rather than looking for who’s good enough to love me and who I could love long-term.
Any thoughts on this?
My very wonderful, thoughtful, loving boyfriend tends to say “I’m sorry” a lot — and to be honest, it’s my go-to phrase as well. What can you say about people in relationships (and particularly when BOTH people in the relationship) seem to focus on making sure the other person “isn’t upset”?
THANK YOU!! <3
What a great question. If you could make space for discussing the upset from time to time without trying to “fix” it, that might be useful. How lovely that you both think so frequently of the other… Over time, this may even out on its own. Sending love, Susan
Hi Susan, it’s Marie-Louise, we met last year 😉
Thank you for this, I still feel more peaceful just listening to you. A lot of inspirations!
I have a question about good manners. How to maintain them when we go through tough time (being weak physically, or ill…) and our meditation practice isn’t as powerful as usually. Is there a way to reconnect with softness inside ourselves when we feel drained?
Hi Marie-Louise! So nice to “see” you. And thank you for your excellent question.
I hope you are well. Truly, it is more difficult to be thoughtful when you are not well, mentally and/or physically. I suggest that you be very, very gentle with yourself. If you can recover a sense of softness toward yourself it is much more likely that you will recover it (at least in part) toward others. Please don’t take too much on yourself though…there are times when we really need to be taken care of whether by ourselves or someone else.. Sending love, Susan
I have always struggled with feeling those “in love” feelings that I thought that you should feel with the person you marry or how I thought he should make me feel. It brings me great pain to question if I’m “in love” or not, and I’ve been with my partner for 10 years now (married for 3)! I know I love him deeply, his soul, who he is, how he loves me, but I struggle with knowing if it’s “real” or if I should be with him because I didn’t feel those intense feelings at the beginning. There was definitely an infatuation phase (that included frequent sex at the beginning) but he pursued me and I didn’t have those strong “crush” feelings on him the way I did with crushes or short lived relationships in the past.
Hi, KS. I wish I could help you answer these questions, but only you can address them. The only thing I can offer is that there is no right or wrong way to feel or make decisions about relationships. I wish you well! With love, Susan
Susan, that was great, thank you. Just what I needed to hear.
So glad to hear it, Susan. xo S
Really lovely and important. Thank you so much.
You are so very welcome, Jeanne. <3
Of great benefit. Thank you!
I’m very glad. You are so welcome.
Thank you Susan!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m married 44 years and I’m always looking to heal my relationship. I am now free to know there is no such thing. I can RELAX and enjoy it and not beat myself up emotionally for seeming to fail. Wow.
That’s how I see it… Wishing you well!!!
Thank you, Susan! I resonate with everything you’re saying and will be joining you in September in Colorado! I also would like to join your email course and the Open Heart Sangha. I have been experiencing what you are talking about and want to grow more. I have had many illusions about romantic love and found real love at 57 years old for the first time. Now I am learning about intimacy. Quite a journey of discovery!!
Thanks again and blessings on you and your work,
Gail
Yay!! So glad you’re coming to CO in September! That is fantastic news. How wonderful that you are finding true love now. That makes me so happy. I really look forward to practicing with you going forward. With love, Susan
Susan, your insights to love are an encouragement. At 60 years old I have been in 2 long term relationships that both ended negatively then I think wow they were actually a positive blessing on what I was able to learn from them! They expired because relationships take tremendous courage and to be satisfied with my disatisfaction was not acceptable, I’m learning this being connected to my aloneness. You are a beautiful gift! Peace.
Hi Mattie. I totally agree–relationships take so much courage. I’m glad you did not bury your dissatisfaction and hope you are enjoying what is beautiful about aloneness. Sending much love.
Oh Susan I thought this was just wonderful today.
I joined the Sangha a couple weeks ago, having been turned onto you/it via my GF of a year who’s been a member forever. It was a big point of contention because I wrote her a long letter (I use letters in our relationship which is constricted because of situation) about how I was so filled with love I was from her through your meditations only to have her blow up (not really) because — she was going to sign me up for my birthday present and Now What Could She Do! Well, I told her that she DID give me the present — she introduced me to you, and I have been doing some of the weeklies….
Needless to say, she wouldn’t let me off the hook. What should I do? I think I too often blurt out how much I love her.
Plenty of other stuff, and I realize this is a bit disjointed, but what isn’t these days?
Deep bows in your direction.
We are real fans, are taking the 4 Truths of Love from our separate abodes, and thank you muchly.
Bob! What a lovely response, thank you so much. And how awesome that you both wanted to give you the Open Heart Project!! That tickles me. Most of all, how wonderful it is that you are so in love…what a blessing. Glad to know we are practicing the Four Noble Truths, each from our abode. <3
Hi Susan,
I am so grateful for your focus on relationships and spiritual practice. It feels like very original thinking and resonates with me so much. Since I first came to know your work I have survived two broken hearts with an open heart.
Almost ten years ago I practiced keeping my heart open – rather than protecting myself by ending all contact. It was warrior practice, but later he committed suicide and I am so thankful that I know I Was never the cause of additional pain or shut him out.
Now a few months ago my partner of 8 years ended our relationship. After a short time he reached out to me as he missed our friendship. I am checking in with myself regularly to make sure what I can give with an honestly open heart. Again it is warrior practice – but I feel strong when my heart is open – when I’m not in fear, needing to protect myself. He is going through difficult times and lots of life changes. I want the best for him – I guess, like your teenage lover, I love him more than I need us to be a couple. And it is great practice in getting comfortable with the unknown.
Much love to you.
Hi Cynthia. Wow…two broken hearts. That is a lot for a person to go through… Your particular warrior practices are very deep and intense. It is wonderful that you want what is best for him and I want what is best for you, for what that is worth. <3